Are you your own best friend?

And how do you speak to yourself inside your own mind?

Patrick Farrell
5 min readDec 21, 2020

The way we speak to ourselves inside of our head is incredibly important. It determines how we feel about ourselves, how we show up in our relationships, and the opportunities we bring into our lives.

But we spend so much of our lives trying to make other people like us, to make other people happy. We do things for others and we offer as much of our love as we possibly can. That’s exactly what we should be doing! But what we often forget is to do the same thing for ourselves. We often forget to lift ourselves up and send love inside.

I promise that you are the only person you are going to spend every moment with for the rest of your life! And you should be your own best friend and speak to yourself with love. But quite often we can be very unaware of the language we are using inside of our own head. We often don’t pause for a second and ask if we are lifting ourselves up, or tearing ourself down. And the reality is that most people’s default pattern is to tear themselves down.

We are conditioned to beat ourselves up. To always be looking for more and be looking outside of ourselves for guidance, love and support. And we constantly look for something (or someone) to make us happy. But if we don’t like and love ourselves first, we will never get there.

I know because I was there! In May of 2016, I set out on a new adventure. I made a conscious decision to leave everything I knew about the life I had built in New York City and set off on an adventure to become a digital nomad and a location independent entrepreneur. I literally left everything I knew and I was incredibly excited about this adventure.

On the outside I was having the time of my life. I was going to conferences, I was traveling around the world making money from my laptop, and I was meeting incredible people. But internally I was struggling. I was beating myself up over a relationship that I left in New York. I had these little gremlins living inside of my head saying “You shouldn’t have done that” and “You made the biggest mistake of your life.”

Looking back on it now, I know for sure that isn’t the case because all of these experiences allowed me to grow in ways I never thought possible. But it was still a struggle at the time to become my own best friend inside my head.

However, over the course of the last two years, I learned how to lift myself up. I learned how to grow and make an impact on other people’s lives. And I can look back on that experience and say that it was exactly what I needed at the time. To go through a hard internal struggle that would make me grow and give me an opportunity to master my emotions.

We have to remember that the happiness and love comes from within first. It comes from an inner knowing that you are worthy. An inner knowing that you have everything you need living inside of you. We have to choose love, joy and happiness for it to find us.

That can be easier said than done though so I’m going to offer you a few tips and tricks to get yourself started towards being your own best friend.

Become Aware Of Your Thoughts

Take the time to analyze your thoughts. Meditation is an incredible tool for this. Really start to be aware of the thoughts you think and ask yourself if you believe that those thought are empowering ones that will drive you forward in life.

Think about how those thoughts make you feel. Do your thoughts make you feel good? Feel happy? Feel joy? Or do your thoughts make you feel anger, shame, or guilt? (Learn how to manage your emotional state here).

Your thoughts are powerful and once we become aware of the thoughts that we are thinking each day, we can start to shift those thoughts to more empowering ones.


Be grateful for who you are and how you became the person you are today! Your experiences create the person you are today and you have so many gifts living inside of you! Practice gratitude daily for all of the incredible things in your life and see how your life starts to shift.

We can be grateful for both small and big things, like the roof over our head, the water we drink, food we eat, and the people in our lives. We can find millions of things to be grateful for including life itself. So I encourage you to start this practice today.

Music is an Incredible Tool!

We have all had a song stuck in our heads before as we drive down the highway right? Well are the lyrics of that song positive and empowering, or are they negative and tearing ourselves down.

Much of the music out there can be about heartbreak for example. This definitely isn’t lifting ourselves up to find a new relationship or strengthen the one we already have. So be more conscious of the music that you listen to and ask yourself if it’s helping or hurting your mental health.

I have a few Spotify playlists for you to help you down this journey! Songs that lift you up and help you realize the true warrior living inside of you.


I know, I know. That sounds a bit spiritual and “woo woo”. But mantras are powerful. In fact, the words “I am” are the two most powerful words in the English language and whatever you say after the “I am” you become.

So I want you to say to yourself today. “I am powerful, I am courageous, I am loving.”

And also say to yourself. “I love myself, I am worthy, and I rock!”

If you repeat those mantras daily, I promise you will start to feel better about yourself and start to bring more love for yourself into your life.

I have lots more tools and tips about how to become your own best friend, and one of them is to create an empowering vision for your life. I have a free 3-Day Confusion-to-Clarity workshop that you can do at your own pace. If you sign up here, you will be sent an email each day for the next 3 days that will help you be grateful for you are and where you want to go.

If you liked this blog post, I’d love to know in the comments below!

Originally published at on December 21, 2020.



Patrick Farrell

Founder and Business Coach for Online Entrepreneurs and Coaches. I help people create more freedom in their life and connect to their purpose.